I think one thing that struck me today is that the Lord speaks to me more than just when I am praying, worshiping, or reading my bible. It’s easy to just expect him to speak to me when I have a quiet time, but today I was reading 2 Kings 6:1-23. (Thanks to this site I found, which gives the lectionary readings from the Book of Common Prayer and scripture to go with the readings. It’s much easier than getting out the Book of Common prayer and flipping through the back to find the right reading for the day.) Anyway, enough about the website and back to 2 Kings 6. In the passage, Elisha prays that his servants eyes would be opened to see the angelic army protecting Elisha. And when the servants eyes are opened, he sees “horses and chariots of fire.” Now, when it comes to my faith and my relationship with Jesus, I don’t need to see chariots of fire or whole armies becoming blind; however, I do want see the hand of God in the things around me. I want to see His motives, His actions, and His ways. For without seeing Him around me, I am easily inclined to go it on my own, just as the Psalmist says in Psalm 119:109, “I hold my life in my hand continually, but I do not forget your law.” It’s hard to say that that simple statement is true for my life; in fact, the first part of it is true: “I hold my life in my hand continually.” I continually go at life my way, by my hand, by my desires. However, I forget His law, because if I did remember it, I would meditating on it all day. Or how I like to look at it, I see His law, or Word, evident, consistent, and persistent in all areas of life, guiding me (“lamp to my feet”) and protecting me (“uphold me according to your promise, that I may live”). To put all things in terms that I can understand and, hopefully, all people can understand, the Word of God is to be the breath of my existence. Just as I need breath to survive, I need the Word to live. I think one way to aid this is memorizing the Scripture and having the mind set that the Lord speaks all day long, because He is always with us.
Recently, I have been listening to the live IHOP prayer room during my quiet times. I like how I can always hear something different, or I can hear an old song done differently, with the worship leaders creative spirit added to it. It just something I look for in worship. I like things to be new, to be changing, to be evolving, to be growing with my spiritual growth.
I have spoken before about how necessary it is to be intentional, and, frankly, I have failed. I have not been intentionally repenting, and I have not been intentionally diving into God’s love, by the reading of his word. I know how necessary the two are. In fact, I know how much the two improve my life. I guess the best way to describe me is lazy. It is nothing I am proud of; it is just something I am working on. We all have something we are working on.
The fact that there is always something I am working on has been a frustration all my Christian life. I would love it if the redeeming love of God, I so frequently sing about in worship services, would materialize a solution to all my problems and fears. I know this sounds far-fetched. But the word of God is clear about God’s intent for redemption. It is woven throughout the whole Book. In Psalm 103, for example (which, as a matter of fact, I am currently memorizing,) it says to “forget not all His benefits…(then speaking of God it continues)…who heals all your diseases…who redeems your life from destruction…who satisfies your mouth with good things…” Trust me this is just one example. I am certainly not saying the Lord is withholding his “benefits.” I just want the tangible, material resolve. In my selfish heart, I want the redemption without offering my life as a living sacrifice. I want to be healed of all my diseases while I neglect my physical health by gorging myself with fatty, fried foods and not exercising regularly. I want my mouth to be satisfied with good things without being vulnerable in my conversation with others. As you can see, I just want free stuff. I don’t want to pay a price. In fact, all God’s benefits cost nothing, but they cost everything. They cost a life of quiet, humble service to a master who gives “…forgiveness…healing…redemption…loving kindness and tender-mercies…satisfaction…renewal” (Ps. 103:3-5, NKJV).
In my life, I know I have recieved each and every one of these. And I wish I would just hold on to those, put them in the forefront of my mind, because God has done so much for me. He has truly saved me time and time again. I’m so thankful for that. And this thankfulness I speak of is the song that has been running through my head all day. I am not sure where it came from just that Grace Kim was singing it in the IHOP prayer room, but the words are simple: “I just wanna thank you, thank you, Jesus. I just wanna thank you, thank you, for you are so good.” It is so simple and so constructive for my walk. I do “wanna” thank Jesus for everything, for in thanking, my heart honestly yearns for the Lord. I am thankful for so much. So much of my life has been given me without me deserving any of it, but by the grace of God, I am rich with life. But to whom much is given, much is expected. And because freely I have recieved, freely I shall give. I am praying that these, along with thanksgiving, will begin to take charge in my life and in my relationship with Christ.
Really, I can see how this affects my relationship with Heather as well. I have recieved such unselfish love from the most sweet and beautiful young lady, and so shall I give it back, not out of obligation, but for the Christ, who loved us all first. In fact, many will know that we are His disciples by our love. And that is surely a hope and prayer for my future marriage: that she and I will love one another with Christ’s love, so that others will know we are His disciples.
I just feel like my thoughts are rambling on. There is just so much to say.