Recently, I have been listening to the live IHOP prayer room during my quiet times. I like how I can always hear something different, or I can hear an old song done differently, with the worship leaders creative spirit added to it. It just something I look for in worship. I like things to be new, to be changing, to be evolving, to be growing with my spiritual growth.
I have spoken before about how necessary it is to be intentional, and, frankly, I have failed. I have not been intentionally repenting, and I have not been intentionally diving into God’s love, by the reading of his word. I know how necessary the two are. In fact, I know how much the two improve my life. I guess the best way to describe me is lazy. It is nothing I am proud of; it is just something I am working on. We all have something we are working on.
The fact that there is always something I am working on has been a frustration all my Christian life. I would love it if the redeeming love of God, I so frequently sing about in worship services, would materialize a solution to all my problems and fears. I know this sounds far-fetched. But the word of God is clear about God’s intent for redemption. It is woven throughout the whole Book. In Psalm 103, for example (which, as a matter of fact, I am currently memorizing,) it says to “forget not all His benefits…(then speaking of God it continues)…who heals all your diseases…who redeems your life from destruction…who satisfies your mouth with good things…” Trust me this is just one example. I am certainly not saying the Lord is withholding his “benefits.” I just want the tangible, material resolve. In my selfish heart, I want the redemption without offering my life as a living sacrifice. I want to be healed of all my diseases while I neglect my physical health by gorging myself with fatty, fried foods and not exercising regularly. I want my mouth to be satisfied with good things without being vulnerable in my conversation with others. As you can see, I just want free stuff. I don’t want to pay a price. In fact, all God’s benefits cost nothing, but they cost everything. They cost a life of quiet, humble service to a master who gives “…forgiveness…healing…redemption…loving kindness and tender-mercies…satisfaction…renewal” (Ps. 103:3-5, NKJV).
In my life, I know I have recieved each and every one of these. And I wish I would just hold on to those, put them in the forefront of my mind, because God has done so much for me. He has truly saved me time and time again. I’m so thankful for that. And this thankfulness I speak of is the song that has been running through my head all day. I am not sure where it came from just that Grace Kim was singing it in the IHOP prayer room, but the words are simple: “I just wanna thank you, thank you, Jesus. I just wanna thank you, thank you, for you are so good.” It is so simple and so constructive for my walk. I do “wanna” thank Jesus for everything, for in thanking, my heart honestly yearns for the Lord. I am thankful for so much. So much of my life has been given me without me deserving any of it, but by the grace of God, I am rich with life. But to whom much is given, much is expected. And because freely I have recieved, freely I shall give. I am praying that these, along with thanksgiving, will begin to take charge in my life and in my relationship with Christ.
Really, I can see how this affects my relationship with Heather as well. I have recieved such unselfish love from the most sweet and beautiful young lady, and so shall I give it back, not out of obligation, but for the Christ, who loved us all first. In fact, many will know that we are His disciples by our love. And that is surely a hope and prayer for my future marriage: that she and I will love one another with Christ’s love, so that others will know we are His disciples.
I just feel like my thoughts are rambling on. There is just so much to say.