053: Why can’t I just surrender?

I have just returned home a mere three hours ago to the world I left for the weekend. The world corrupt and evil, destructive and selfish, easy and filthy. The taste of this place is a sickening one. It reminds me of the taste you get in your mouth when your angry; I must despise this world. I shouldn’t say I despise this world. However, I despise the temptations and the sins that invade me as I seek the face of God, particularly the temptations. But, in reality, it is not the temptations that are hard to resist. It is the willingness in my heart to give up the things I have returned to: lust, apathy, judgment, invulnerability, lying. pleasure. Those things are so comfortable. The comprise my flesh nature, the things most natural to me. If I had my way, if this was my life, I would be living out all of these desires, deceits, and pleasures. However, because I am born again, I am called to surrender these desires and passions and submit to the Father’s will, being filled by the Holy Spirit. Well, that’s easy, right? I wish the letting go was that easy, but it is hard to give up the things that our flesh desires. My flesh and spirit are at war with one another. Two mighty forces pulling and pushing on the choices I make. It is only by the grace of God and the active control of the Spirit in my life that I am ever able to surrender to the will of God.